Day Thirty Two, A Bummer of an Evening

  My date was a disaster.
  It went so bad I want to bury it in a bottomless pit and then build a monument upon it to show how inept I am at talking to women. I am writing this down for posterity's sake, so maybe whoever reads it may not repeat my mistakes.
  Here are how events unfolded from the time I awoke to now.
  My internal time piece went off at its normal time as it does every morning. I literally jumped out of bed and did my routines.
  And then I did them again.
  And again.
  After the third time of doing my morning exercises I realised this was not helping pass the time to my date any more quickly. If anything it seemed like time was moving slower.
  I had to get out and do something to take my mind off my date so time would pass by more quickly. I decided I needed to head over to Goblin Town and check in on the project I had going there.
  I arrived at my forge to find the three goblins I had working for me sleeping off a hangover. A little part of me didn't approve of this, but I really didn't care if they turned a profit or not. This was a safehouse. A spot for me to hole up if things went south. If it was part of the goblin lifestyle to slack off and be lazy, well, far be it from me to interfere. I need this place to look normal from the outside.
  Still, when I woke them up the little buggers jumped to attention and even saluted me. Their names were, Nob, Grunk and Darby.
  I call them Snap, Crackle and Pop.
  Snap, who seemed to be the leader, probably because he spoke better common than the other two, said, " Sorry big boss man. We wasn't expectin no surprise inspection dis mornin."
  "No it's alright, Nob." I reassured him, setting his mind at ease. " I have a big date tonight with a pretty elf chic and was looking for a way to pass the time before then." My three minions made funny sour faces when I said the words 'Elf Chic', but then just shrugged. I continued, "have you made any weapons or armor yet?"
  "Sure thing boss." said Snap. "Check out this spear I made." He showed me a crude weapon, little more than a knife blade tied to a long stick.
  "Nice!" I said, feigning excitement. Something happened then. Something I wasn't expecting. All three of the goblins grew excited and started showing off the wares they had crafted. There were crude clubs with spikes. Daggers made of bone. Shields made from the seats of chairs and so forth. All the arms and armor were serviceable, but none I would actually use in battle unless I really had too. Still, with each item I praised their ingenuity and pointed out the positive details of each and every piece.
  When all was done my three minions looked at me and asked, " Boss, will you stay and craft with us?"
  "It's a good eight hours to my date, so why not." I answered.
  It felt good to work the forge. Something I hadn't done since shop class in Warmage academy. As I crafted the day away my three minions oohed and ahhed at everything I did. As I completed a sword, they made such a big deal over it you would have thought I crafted Excalibur itself. And I found I liked this praise. Now I know why so many evil wizards keep these guys around. These guys make you feel good about being yourself. I am so used to being chewed up and tore down by my friends that this hero worship that is being thrown my way was like Euphoria.
  I was all smiles.
  Until I looked outside and seen that it was getting dark.
  "Oh Crap!" I cried. "My date is in less than an hour!"
  "Whats wrong Boss? You got's plenty of time." said Snap.
  "But I smell like a forge." I wailed.
  "Girls like sweat Boss. She be impressed"
  "Not this girl." I said. "She is a refined lady."
  "She sounds like no fun at all." said Snap, to the nods of his partners. "Still we can gets you some waters for bath."
  "Quick." I said. Spurring them into motion. "And grab some soap too." All three goblins stopped in their tracks at that, with horrified expressions on their faces.
  "We gots no soap boss." said Crackle.
  "We gots lard." said Pop. "Lard works good."
  "Okay. But hurry!" I said.
  I spent the next thirty or so minutes being scrubbed with lard in what smelled like sewer water by my minions head to toe.
  "Ugh. I smell like bacon." I said.
  "Girls like bacon Boss." all three said in unison.
  "She gona love you." said Snap.
  I looked at them dubiously and shrugged. "I hope so. Keep up the good work." I told them.
  All three gave me smiles and a thumbs up symbol.
  I raced out of Goblin Town as fast as I could and just beat the carriage I arraigned to pick up Illiara by a few moments. The table I had reserved was in a secluded corner where I thought we could have some privacy. As usual the Green Forest Inn was crowded during dinner time. Illara came through the door at about the time I seated myself. I stood up as the hostess escorted her over to our table.
  "My lady." I smiled. "You look radiant tonight."
  She smiled and thanked me as I pulled out her seat for her. As I took my own seat she made a disgusted face and said sniffing the air, "Do they allow Goblins in here?"
  "Uhm, yes they do. There were some in here a bit ago. They just left." I lied. "How was your ride?"
  "Very comfortable. Thank you."
  There was a bottle of Feywine upon our table and I poured us each a glass. She smiled and said as she took a sip. "You sprang for the best."
  "Of course." I said as I picked up my menu.
  "So." she said. "Tell me of your recent exploits into the Accursed Halls and this creature you fought."
  I gave her all the pertinent details on our encounter with the strange alien wizard.
  When I was finished she said in that musical voice of hers, "Pity you could not have recovered its body. I sure would have loved to study it more closely."
  I knew right then, Abraxus the Ghost demon was going to die, for nothing was going to stop me from bringing that alien wizard out of that dungeon and laying it at this fair maidens feet.
  "May I take your order?" said a familiar voice from next to our table.
  I looked up to see Vickey standing there with her hand on her hip with a bored look on her face.
  "Vickey?" I said with my mouth dropping open. "What are you doing here?"
  "What does it look like genius? I'm working."
  "Why?" I asked.
  "Because a girl has to eat. You going to order or sit there and gawk at me all night?"
  "Nitro? You know this girl?" asked Illiara, arching an eyebrow.
  "Uhm, no not really." I told her. taking a big drink of my wine.
  "Oh really?" said Vickey in an offended tone. Then looking at Illiara she said, "he seen me naked."
  I coughed up my Feywine at that and said as I was choking. "No not like that."
  "I don't remember you being in no hurry to hand me back my clothes. Do You?"
  I was flabbergasted, and couldn't talk straight for several moments, then finally blurted out, "Could you just take our order please."
  "With pleasure. I need to get away from this table because one of you smells like goblin."
  As she left with our order I looked across the table and said to Illiara. "I am so not tipping him."
  "Him?" She asked.
  I couldn't give her the full account of how I knew Vickey without compromising her new identity, so I just gave her a rough outline of events on how she used to be a man and how we sprang for a new body for her after his death.
  "It is a strange world we live in." she told me with a smile.
  "Don't I know it." I said. " I mean look at you. You look like you could be about my age, But everyone knows elves live for thousands of years. You could be ancient as far as I know. How old are you anyways?" when I realised what just came out of my mouth I slapped my hand over it and cursed under my breath.
  I broke the cardinal rule.
  What an idiot I am.
  I reassured myself this night couldn't get any worse.
  I was wrong.
  Shakes and Abrandon walked in the door.
  I picked up my menu and tried to hide behind it, to no avail.
  Shakes sat down at my table and said, oblivious to the fact that I was out on a date with the most desirable woman in town, "We have to talk. It's important."
  "Will you excuse me for a moment?" I asked Illiara.
  "Sure." She said with a slight frown.
   I walked over to the bar with Shakes and Abrandon and said, "Can't you guys see I'm out on a date?"
  Shakes ignored me and said, "We're being tracked."
  I looked around the room and said, "What?"
  "We found out someone is asking questions about us and tracking our movements."
  "Any idea who?"
  "Not yet." Shakes said.
  "We have Skylar on it." added Abrandon.
  " I need to get Illiara home safe." I said.
  "Meet here tomorrow." said Shakes.
  "Will do. Stay safe." I said.
  "Always."
  "Something dangerous has come up." I informed Illiara as I returned to the table. "We need to cut this short I am afraid."
  " I understand." She told me as we quickly finished our meal. I escorted her home and at her door, I asked. "Do this again sometime?"
  "Perhaps." she said. "It was fun."
  I walked back to my room and cursed my luck.
  Maybe I should leave the dating to the experts. Like Draco.
 
 
 
 
 

Day Thirty One, Evening

  I am very excited about events that happened today. First, we parked Bob at a warehouse we rented from Shakes boss. He seems like an ok guy but a bit villainous. I gave Bob the order to slay anyone but one of our group who breaks into the warehouse since we have a lot of expensive stuff stashed there. I also gave Bob orders to listen to any commands given by any of our group unless I say otherwise. He is like the perfect servant.
  Second, we split up the treasure we found in the Flying wizards lair. I netted just over a thousand gold and two wands. I had them identified by a cute blond girl at the Gold Cloak Tower. One is a Wand of Invisibility. The other is a Wand of Charm Monster.
  Third, there is still no sign of Mordin. We are beginning to worry about our friend. I have heard of tell tell signs of his passing though. A lot of the women he frequented are telling tales of some super gnome lover boy in town. I seen that gnome naked. Mother nature might have shrunk his body but left some parts of him abnormally proportioned. If I was a girl I would be terrified of that weapon he was packing. But you know the women Mordin hung out with when he was a Half orc were probably used to such.
  Fourth, I have a date. Yes you heard me right. I have a dinner date with the mistress of the Gold Cloak Tower, Iliara Starcloak, herself. She asked me about the creature we had fought, for she was deciphering some of the books we had recovered down there. I told her maybe we should discuss this over dinner at the Green Forest Inn.
  I almost fainted when she said yes.
  I know. I know. You are asking how someone who plays with dangerous monsters and fights for a living can go all weak in the knees over a girl.
  But what a girl.
  She is lean and lithe like all elves are. Her hair is like spun gold down to her hips. Her eyes are slanted and the lightest shade of purple. And above all else she is smart.
  Brains and beauty make me weak in the knees.
  So tomorrow I have arranged for a coach to pick her up and bring her to the Green Forest Inn where I have set up what I hope to be a romantic dinner for two.
  I will let you know how it goes.
  Goodnight.

Day Thirty, Evening

  I think I almost died today.
  Twice.
  When we met at the inn for breakfast, Aramel was waiting on us. But now he went by the name Vickey. I meant SHE went by the name Vickey.
  I may not get used to this.
  She looked a lot different. Besides the curves, I mean... She wore tight fitting black leathers. Her weapons consisted of whips and chains. She sat at the table and propped her feet up just like Aramel used to do. I think she was enjoying the nervousness that she was causing us. Well, most of us were nervous. Shakes started talking business, as usual, and Abrandon started questioning Aramel/Vickey about the new Him/Her.
  I was just wondering whether Vickey/Aramel felt herself up in front of a mirror? Being that she was once a man, and now looked like that. I have to admit, Aramel's new body was pleasing to look at, but then she would open her mouth and talk like a guy, a guy with a melodious voice, and ruin it.
  Oh well.
  Shakes finally talked us into heading out. We waited for perhaps an hour for Mordin Fodder to show up. He didn't. I guess Aramel adjusted to his new body quicker than our barbarian friend. Makes sense, I suppose, given Mordin's innate fear of magic.
  Once again we made our way down to the Enigma Vaults.
  Vickey led the way. I couldn't help but notice that her butt swayed just like any other woman's. Apparently it is not something girls practice and learn. It must be just the way they walk. Natures way of luring unsuspecting men to their doom.
  I watched to see if this was going to be a distraction and problem with my friends. I mean, we were in a dungeon full of dangerous monsters. If we couldn't keep our minds focused on task it could be disastrous.
  Skylar was alert. He hardly looked at our new femme fatale. Nothing seemed different there.
  Good.
  If our scout was distracted, we would be in for some nasty surprises.
  I would catch Draco looking at Vickey's swaying posterior, then he would quickly look away with a shudder and shake his head no. Maybe he was not as shallow as I first made him out to be.
  But then he would check his hair to make sure it was all in place.
  Shakes seemed oblivious. Maybe he is a eunuch. That would explain a lot. Like how he can do the splits so easy and kick behind his head.
  Now Abrandon, our medic, was absolutely hypnotised by Vickey. His eyes rarely left her. He engaged her in conversation at every opportunity, and he hung on her every word.
  I don't think our cleric remembers she was once a guy at all. I decided to take notes on all this. I may use it to write some cheesy romance novel in my old age.
  Well enough of this.
  I said I almost died twice, and the first time was utter stupidity on my part. We had kicked open a door. Above it was some sort of sign proclaiming it to be some sort of enigma of some sort or other.
  Inside was a large broken geode. Of more interest was the pair of blue lion like creatures, each with two tails and tentacles for manes. They opened their mouths as they roared and charged. Their teeth was like that of sharks. Rows and rows of them.
  Apparently they were hungry.
  Shakes and Skylar engaged them in hand to hand. Or hand to teeth. Or whatever you want to call it. Draco and I sat back and blasted them with spells. Vickey, well she had to go and do something sexy.
  Vickey looked over at me and smiled. She had very white teeth, but I guess when your body is only a day or two old, your teeth wouldn't have had time to decay. Also explains why she was so perky in places. Anyways, she looked at me and smiled and said, "Watch this."
  She did a perfect cartwheel. Followed by a perfect backflip. And then ended with a perfect somersault right over the fight in front of us to land neatly behind the Blue Shark/ Lion things.
  From now on I will refer to them as Sharkions.
  "Wow!" Exclaimed Abrandon. "I don't remember her moving like that when she was a man!"
  "Sure she did." I disagreed. "She tumbled around like that all the time."
  "I don't think so." The Cleric argued with me. "A man can't move like that."
  "I can even do that." I informed him.
  "Uh huh. Sure you can," he said in obvious disbelief.
  "I can!" I assured him. "I got an A in gymnastics at school!" He still didn't look like he believed me, so I said, "Watch this."
  I did a perfect cartwheel, a perfect backflip and then ended with a perfect somersault.
  Somehow or other I landed right in one of those Sharkion's mouth's, though.
  "YIKES!" I yelled as the thing shook me around like a rag doll, blood flying everywhere. I bashed it upside the head with my morningstar, causing it to release me. I kicked it in the face as I crabwalked backwards trying to get away from the thing. Luckily Vickey swung her chain and hamstrung it with the blade on the end of her whip like weapon. This allowed me to escape behind Shakes and Skylar as the assassin hogtied the Sharkion.
  Abrandon immediately started to to bandage my wounds and said, "Oh that was exactly like what she did. I don't know why I ever doubted you."
  What a smartass.
  Shakes and Skylar dropped their opponent. Draco blasted the one Vickey had hogtied with a firebolt. As it raised its head and roared in rage, she neatly jumped in and cut its throat. As the assassin did this though, one of those blue tails swung around and clipped her, knocking her back a few steps. Vickey grabbed her arm and yelled, "Ouch!" rubbing it.
  "That's going to leave a nasty bruise." I said.
  "Vickey!" yelled our medic. He actually knocked me over as he ran over to check her wound. Our cleric wasted no time using one of his best cure spells to heal her tiny bruise.
  "Hey!" I yelled at him. "I'm bleeding to death over here!"
  "That's just a scratch." he said back to me as he continue to nurse Vickey. "You'll be fine."
  Something felt funny about my arm. I reached over and pulled a three inch sharks tooth out of my bicep. "Are you sure?" I asked as I watched blood squirt out of the spot where the sharks tooth had been. "I'm feeling a little bit dizzy here."
  "Oh quit being a baby." Abrandon said as he walked back over to me. "Let me see that." as he jerked the sharks tooth out of my hand. "Hmm, it has a strange discoloration on it. It might be poisoned."
  "Huh." I said woozily.
  The medic placed a poultice upon my wound and checked over the rest of the group for bites. He made sure to check every inch of Vickey, twice.
  We had a couple of other encounters that were not noteworthy. There were some Fungoid creatures and Shakes almost got sucked into the vacuum of deep space.
  Nothing unusual there.
  After we were finished and had our fill adventuring and exploring, we retrieved the treasure we had left behind in the  flying insectoid wizard's room. I cast my Tenser's Floating disk spell and we loaded up everything of value we could find. As an after thought I tossed  the wizard's body on our conveyance for further study in the Goldcloak laboratory. We pretty much took everything but the Alien Fungoid equipment which we assumed to be an Enigma. We didn't want to be purged after all....
  We were still a little bit nervous as we approached the bridge with the Ghost Demon Abraxus upon it though. We didn't have Mordin with us after all and none of us were sure of an outcome If he decided to 'purge' us. Everyone else crossed first. As I set foot on the bridge Abraxus stepped forward, eyes glowing red with anger, and said in a deep ominous voice, "PUT HIM BACK!"
  I gulped.
  "You mean him?" I asked pointing at the insect wizard. "He's an Enigma?"
  ""PUT HIM BACK NOW!" the ghost demon reiterated.
  "Uhh... Yes Sir." I told him. I continued with, "Sorry I didn't know." as I hastily retreated from the bridge. Funny how all my friends were laughing at me from across the way.
  I put the thing back where we had slain it, and then once again approached the bridge. Abraxus didn't say nothing as I crossed with the rest of the loot. On the other side I told Shakes, "I think I almost died there."
  "I had your back," he said.
  "Bummer." said Draco. "I wanted to see what purging meant. It might not be as bad as we thought."
  Ya right.
  We made it the rest of the way out of the dungeon, but on our way out I used the newly repaired power crystal we recovered a few adventures ago to activate one of the constructs in the abandoned temple.
  The Mechanoid follows my commands, and seems really strong.
  I shall call him 'Bob'.

Day Twenty Nine, Evening

  There are forces in the universe so powerful that I cannot comprehend them. There are beings of such vast intelligence that even I, as smart as I am, will never fathom their motives.
  And then there is Mother Nature.
  Let me tell you about Mother Nature.
  My day started as any other. I rose before dawn and did my exercises, both mental and physical. I bathed and had breakfast. I left the Gold Cloak tower to meet my friends.
  I marched down the road from the Golden Tower to the Battle Temple in the predawn light. Roosters were crowing and mothers were sweeping their porches and other mundane chores. It is about a fifteen minute walk from the tower where I stay to the temple. I always enjoy these walks. I waved at a few people I see every morning and bid them hello. They seem to like me. I know not why. I'm a people person, I guess.
  As I arrived at the Battle Temple I met Brother Eldrest sweeping the entryway of his church. I bid him good morning and inquired if any of my friends had arrived yet.
  "Abrandon stays here and is awake inside doing his morning prayers." he said. "None of your other friends are here yet. Well none of your living ones that is."
  I grimaced at this reminder of Mordin's and Aramel's fate.  "Has the Druid arrived yet?" I asked.
  "Sister Oreena has not arrived yet either. I expect her shortly."
  "Well then, I'll go talk to Abrandon while I wait."
  I moved to head past him, but the old cleric stopped me with a hand to the chest and said, "Brother Nitro, you still owe me a service for the restorative magics I used upon your friends a few weeks ago, do you not?"
  "I do." I answered. "Who do you want killed?" I asked cracking my knuckles. "I also can pull guard duty and caravan escorts if you need."
  "Actually I do need something exterminated." He said, causing me to smile. A smile that quickly vanished as he handed me an old garden hoe. "There is an invasion of weeds in my garden around the side of the church. Could you be a good soldier and rout them for me?"
  "Seems to be a a waste of my talents, but sure." I said as I grabbed the hoe from him.
  As I was walking away the old priest asked, "Nitro? You do know the difference between a weed and garden vegetables? Don't you?"
  "Of course." I sneered as I continued walking. "I studied horticulture in school."
  "Was there anything you didn't study?" laughed Eldrest.
  "Nope." I said.
  I spent the next couple of hours fighting off the weeds in the Temple's modest garden at the side of the temple. I positioned myself so I could keep an eye on the walkway to the front of the church. I waved at each of my friends as they arrived and vanished into the temple.
  As I slew another weed, a new combatant entered the fray against the Temple's troop of vegetables. An old grey rabbit hopped out of the bushes and started nibbling on some of the carrots a few yards from me.
  "I here the cabbages are good." I said to it with a smile. The rabbit's ears twitched a little, and then it cocked its head quizzically, like it was pondering my words. Then, sure enough, it hopped over to the cabbage patch and started munching to its hearts content. "Eat it all my friend. You have my blessing." I said laughing.
  The rabbits ears stood straight up, causing me to smile again.
  A thunderous screech froze the rabbit and I in our tracks as a winged shadow fell over us. Our momentary paralysis proved fatal for one of us. Out of nowhere a great Golden Eagle struck, and struck so quickly, that it startled me, causing me to drop my hoe and fall on my ass.
  Cursing, I jumped back to my feet, but of the eagle and the rabbit there was no sign, except a small splatter of blood where my furry little friend was.
  I continued my war against the the weeds for about another 30 minutes, pondering how quick life can come to an end, until I noticed an older woman approaching the temple. She was dressed in buckskins and had feathers in her hair. Her step was sure and full of confidence. As she drew nearer I noticed she was quite beautiful for a woman three times my age. I met her halfway up the walk and was determined to make a good first impression. "Sister Oreena? I presume?" I asked.
  "Nitro." she nodded her head at me as I fell into step beside her.
  "You have heard of me?" I smiled.
  "I deal in life," she declared. "So naturally I would keep track of one who deals in death."
  My step faltered as my smile vanished. I quickly ran to catch up. "My lady! I think you misjudge me." I said defensively.
  "Do I?" She wheeled on me. "Are you not a soldier? Do you not kill for pay?" She tsked. "Little better than an assassin you are." She left me there with my mouth agape. I was thinking so much for my first impression when she turned around at the temple door and said "Here." She tossed me something small. I caught it. "I hear those are lucky." she said as she turned and entered the temple.
  I looked down at a small furry foot in my hand. A little nob of blood at its joint. "Not for the rabbit." I whispered.
  As I followed her into the temple I heard Oreena say to my friends and to Brother Elderst. "I would have been here sooner but I stopped for breakfast."
  Sheesh! And she had the nerve to call me a killer! As if reading my mind, which she may actually have been doing. She said to me with a shrug, "Circle of life."
  Whatever!
  "Lets get down to business." said Shakes. "Can you bring our friends back from the dead? And if so, how much will it cost us?"
  "All things are possible in nature." the old druidess answered cryptically. "I have the power to call back your friends spirits from where they have gone, but not to these body's." She said this as she pointed to Mordin's and Aramel's corpses lying on slabs in the church. "These body's are dead" she continued, "And my power cannot call them back to enter them."
  "What does this mean, revered one?" asked Skylar.
  I got the impression that these two knew each other as she caressed his cheek with her hand and answered, "Mother nature will create and supply a new body for them."
  We quickly talked this over and then asked, "How much?"
  "Mordin is a great warrior and Champion of the Wilderness. I will cast the spell for free for him just this once." Oh cool....I thought....Our crazed berserker is 'a great warrior and Champion of the Wilderness' and I am killer and little better than an assassin. Hurmph! "For this..." she said waving her hand flippantly at Aramel's dismembered corpse, "1200 gold you will need."
  "Deal!" said Shakes as he held out a jittering hand.
  Oreena did not shake his hand but walked around the bodies of our fallen comrades, laying out mistletoe and holly and other strange components. "You youngsters should go to the forest to the south of here and await your friends there. They will arrive in about an hour."
  "Will we recognize them?" asked Draco
  "They will arrive as they entered the world the first time." She said.
  "Wait!" I interjected with alarm. "They will be babies?!?"
  "No. Numskull soldier. You will know them when you see them. But there form will be chosen by Mother Nature in all her wisdom." I was getting the feeling Sister Oreena did not think highly of me.
  "Lets go." I said. "and bring their stuff."
  We headed out of the church and a little ways to the south to the edge of the woods not far from where the hunting lodge was that Skylar stayed at.
  "I hope Mordin comes back as a Minotaur." said Abrandon. "We could use a Minotaur to open doors."
  "Uh..." I disagreed. "I don't think a Minotaur with Mordin's temper would be good for the world."
  "Minotaurs already have bad tempers." the cleric told me. "Only this one would be working for us."
  We sat around at the edge of the woods for about an hour like this arguing over what form Mother Nature, in all her wisdom, would choose for our friend Mordin. No one seemed to care what form Aramel's body took.
  Then, we heard something approaching in the bushes.
  Everyone leaped to their feet and grew quite, holding our breaths.
  The bushes parted.
  A naked gnome stepped out.
  We stood there in shock for several moments. Then the gnome said in a gruff voice with an orcish accent, "Whatcha all lookin at?" He planted his fists on his hips and stared up at us with a familiar crazy look in his eyes.
  "Mordin?" said Shakes.
  "You're a gnome." confirmed Skylar.
  'No shit." said our diminutive barbarian friend. "Where is the wizard who did this to me? I have some payback for him."
  "I have seen everything now." said Draco. "Nothing can surprise me anymore."
  "A wizard did not do this to you my friend." Abrandon the Cleric told Mordin. "You died and this was the only way to get you back."
  "You mean I'm stuck like this?" Mordin said with alarm. "Who is going to tell my father? Where's my stuff?"
  I had know idea who Mordin's father was, but I knew I wasn't going to tell him. We handed over Mordin's stuff, none of which fit. He dressed as best he could, then said, "I have things to do." and left us there with our shocked looks on our faces.
  We stood there looking at each other, questions written on all our faces, and then we heard a dainty "ahem" from the direction of the woods.
  Our group turned around to see a naked woman standing there.
  It took us a few moments for this to register that this was undoubtedly Aramel standing before us. I still had to ask though, "Uh Aramel? Is that you?"
  "Stop staring at my boobs." said the woman that was Aramel.
  "You're a girl." I was an expert at observation today. "And you're naked."
  "I take it back." said Draco. "I can still be surprised."
  "I said stop staring at my boobs." He or she said again. "Where's my stuff?"
  We slowly and reluctantly handed over the kid's stuff, which he or she quickly donned and ran off into town. His or her last words to us were. "Don't lose my head. There is a price on it and it's worth a lot of bounty money in the next kingdom."
  We stood there looking at each other some more. After what seemed an eternity Abrandon the Cleric said, "Well, that was interesting."
  "Ya!" Draco agreed. "Aramel has boobs!"
  After that I said. "I'll be in my bunk." and left.
  I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I hope tonight my dreams are not filled with Aramels naked body.
  There is one thing I can tell you for a fact.
  Mother Nature has a strange sense of humor.
  Geesh!
 

Day Twenty Eight, Evening

  I could not wait to get back to my room and write this down. On arriving at the Battle Temple, Brother Eldrest said we had other options than to bury our friends. He informed us that in a town not far from here were priests that could raise the dead. The bad news was the cost. It would be between 5000 and 6000 gold for each spell. And we had two fallen friends.
  After pooling our resources and selling Mordin's magic chainmail we were able to come up with a little more than half of what we needed. Close to 8000 gold. This would leave most of us broke, but we would have Mordin back, whom we decided we needed more than Aramel.
  Brother Eldrest also gave us a second option we may choose. In the woods near Thornkeep lived an old Druidess by the name of Sister Oreena. The old Priest thought highly of her and said he would send for her. She would arrive tomorrow.
  We have postponed burying our friends for the time being with the hopes they may join us again. It is with some hope I go to bed tonight.

Day Twenty Eight, Morning

  From troubled dreams I awoke with feelings of remorse and loss. I did my routines, but my heart was not in them.
  For today I would bury two of my friends.
  I only knew them for a little less than a month, but in that month we had saved each others lives many times and shared in each others triumphs and adventures.
  They would be missed.
  After my exercises, I dressed quickly and was about to leave for the Battle Temple, when I noticed something peculiar on my desk.
  There was a small jar, with what looked like a small piece of meat in it. I replayed in my head the events of the previous day following the fall of Mordin and Aramel.
  We had defeated the creature and Skylar made sure it was good and dead. We were unsure what we could touch in this room lest we be purged by the ghost demon Abraxus. We looted its corpse and the corpse of the assassin. The creature had a trio of wands, a couple of blank scrolls and a set of strange surgical instruments. The female assassin had a pair of punch daggers. A hand crossbow and three poisoned crossbow bolts. She also had a map and several notes on her person. We figured anything the assassin had and the creature had was good to loot without being 'purged'. There was a couple of bags of valuables in the room and several books on the table. The creature was obviously studying humans as it had various grisly parts scattered about his work area. On seeing this I remembered he had cut something out of Skylar. I went and found this and offered it to my friend.
  He said, "I don't want that."
  I said it wasn't wise to be leaving pieces of yourself lying around dungeons.
  Skylar replied, "So you keep it then."
  So I did.
  I used some preserving oil on it and now it sits on my desk.
  We collected Aramel's and Mordin Fodder's bodies and headed out to the museum area. Here we took notice of a large assortment of trophies that the wizard, Mer Anthomon, must have collected over his life. There were plaques identifying each display. This is what was there.
  Four Barreled Mithral Rifle: this was some sort of weapon
  Alien Fungoid Equipment: There was nothing here and we deduced these were the strange tools  the creature was using.
  Talon Of  Borva Dagain: This was some sort of three fingered combat glove
  Bloodstone's of Galtrax: 13 glowing red stones. These looked valuable.
  Dragonkin Saddle: This was a saddle for riding a dragon.
  Hungry Eyes of Melos: This was a tank of piranha like creatures that looked like eyes swimming When we touched the tank they all opened to reveal mouths and teeth. SCARY
  Minion Of The Black Pod: A large egg type thing. Something was moving in there.
  Banes Of Barad Shoal: 3 items, a spear, a stomach and a tan bag.
  Thystain Cat: An eight legged skeleton of some large predator
  Deactivated Alien Construct: This was a large mechanical thing in the center of the Museum
  We decided to leave the strange surgical instruments behind as to not invoke Abraxus's wrath and left the dungeon. We left the bodies of our friends at the Battle Temple with Brother Eldrest. It was with sad news that he informed us he was not of high enough standing to cast the spell Raise Dead.
  After writing this I shall go to bury my friends. I will let you, dear readers, know how the funeral went tonight.
 
 

Day Twenty Seven, Evening

  It is close to midnight. I rarely stay up this late but could not find the courage to write these words. I will start at the beginning.
  I skipped half my exercises this morning. I knew this was a bad thing to do but I needed to stop by Thornkeep Mercantile to pick up some equipment before our next romp into the dungeon. I purchased 10 silver crossbow bolts and 10 silver arrows. Fortune favors the prepared mind after all. I passed these out to my 6 friends and we began our premorning discussion.
  The rest of the group grew very excited as Skylar and I informed them about the werewolf. Normal people would have gone all quite with dread at this sort of news. Lets face it. Villagers, farmers and other folk are the first ones to be eaten by these things. But adventurers, we actually live to hunt the Dragon, Giant and occasional wereywolf.
  These things makes us happy.
  I also informed them that with some help from an apprentice at the Golden Tower I was able to repair the hairline fracture in the power Crystal we had recovered from the goblin digging machine. We hope to use it to activate one of the constructs in the Accursed Halls.
  So it was with a spring in our steps and happy talk of who the werewolf may be that we made our way down to the levels below the Accursed Halls. We stopped at the door in in the room whose floor was covered with stars and planets. I had deciphered the writing above this door and informed the party that it said in ancient Azlantian, "Here There be Enigma's."
  We opened the door and started across the bridge. Once again the Ghost of Abraxus appeared and asked in his three languages, "In whose name do you seek the Enigma Vaults?" We gave the proper reply of "Mer Anthomon." and proceeded across to his threat of, "You may pass. But touch nothing less you be purged."
  The room with the swinging bridge was just as we had left it. It gave us no trouble and we proceeded past it and descended a steep flight of steps.
  At the bottom we found a door and a lever.
  Now levers and buttons are things you don't mess with in dungeons unless you have to. Everyone knows this. You also don't pick up ducks or chickens, but that's another story. There is no better, quicker or messier way to die than to play with these things. So we ignored the lever and opened the door instead.
  It revealed a circular room with no floor. Above us a familiar bridge spanned the room linking two doors. Across from us was another door. "Hey!" said our cleric Abrandon, who was guarding the rear of the group, and pulled the lever.
  I prepared myself to dive for cover as a loud grinding noise began. The bridge above us slowly winded down to span the length of the chasm before us. It was indeed the same bridge we crossed above with Abraxus on it, but there was no sign of the Ghost Demon as we proceeded. I lit a torch and peeked over the edge. The floor was perhaps 30 feet below us. The door on the other side was huge and ornate. Above it was the words in ancient Azlantian. "The Hall of Great Enigmas."
  Shakes knelt and listened, and after a moment stood and stepped back saying. " I heard a woman's voice say, 'Get ready'."
  We started to prepare our weapons and spells , when Aramel looked over to Mordin and said, "I think that's a wizard in there."
  "Uh oh." I said  to Abrandon next to me. "That kid will never learn."
  And neither would Mordin apparently, as he kicked open the huge doors and screamed at the top of his lungs, "DIE WIZARD SCUM!"
  Draco, Abrandon and I stayed in the doorway as the rest of the group charged in after our barbarian. The room was huge and museum like. Large pillars held up the vaulted ceiling above us. There were displays up and down the length of the room and at the end. We had no time to take more than a passing notice of these things as we were faced by a half dozen opponents near the doors we entered.
  Five of these were man sized and demonlike, armed with spears. The last was a slender, short haired woman in black leathers. She pointed at us and screamed, "Kill Them!" Four of the demon thingies charged as one held back, I recognized what he was doing, as I do it all the time. He was gathering in his will for a spell. The demon raised his hand and pointed in our general direction. I raised my shield to block whatever blast of energy he was sending our way and yelled, "Look Out!"
  The area of melee right in front of us went black with a magical darkness. I had expected a blast of fire or lightning, but from the sounds of melee and grunts of pain coming from the area of darkness this was probably way worse. Shakes yelled, "Need help! Can't see!"
  "Hang on!" Abrandon yelled back. "I can fix that!" My torchlight couldn't penetrate the magical darkness and the sounds of battle were intensifying. I didn't think our guys in there had time for our slow ass cleric to cast his slow ass light spell. So lickety split I cast one of my own on my torch and flung it into the blackness before me.
  My magical light canceled the magical darkness and vice versa. The torch remained lit and shed its radiance on a chaotic combat scene. "That's just great!" Our Cleric yelled at me. "One of the only things I can do besides heal people. And you take that away from me? Thanks a lot."
  I shrugged apologetically. I really didn't have time to worry about our medics hurt feelings right then as I raised my heavy crossbow and looked for a shot of opportunity. Now that our guys could see, the fight was turning in our favor. Shakes hands and feet were a blur as pummeled his opponent. The demon he faced was completely off balance and I could tell it wasn't going to recover before my friend broke every bone in its body. Skylar's sword, The Demon Slayer, was living up to it's name as he was cutting his opponent to ribbons. Aramel had used the magical darkness to his advantage and somehow had gotten behind his opponent and plunged his sword through its back. The one who had cast the magical darkness was a little apart from the others. I shot him in the gut with my crossbow and then Draco blasted him with a spell, finishing him off.
  Mordin almost casually split the skull of the demon he faced, then looking around he yelled, "Where did that witch bitch go?"
  I didn't think she was a witch, but I looked around also and wondered where she had went. We didn't have to wait long. She came out of the shadows right behind Shakes and punched him in the back. My friend spun and karate kicked her right in the face. She did a back flip, landed in a crouch and smiled as she wiped blood from her mouth where Shakes had kicked her.
  Shakes staggered and slumped to one knee. He grabbed his back where the woman had punched him and his hand came away red with blood. "Assassin." He said, pointing to where the woman held a punch dagger in her hand.
  Mordin and Skylar cut down the last two remaining demon creatures at nearly the same time. The assassin was surrounded. It looked like this fight was about over and I nearly got out the words 'surrender or die', when she did a somersault over Skylar, ducked Mordin's axe and fled down the hall. Draco clipped her with a firebolt but it didn't even slow her down.
  Mordin gave chase.
  I was having flashbacks to our second trip into this dungeon. A time where Mordin chased a pair of skeletons through the Accursed Halls above us. He ended up in a coma with his soul missing. Still I wasn't letting my berserk friend chase this assassin, who knew where, by himself.
  I gave chase also.
  Looking over my shoulder I noticed Abrandon, Aramel and Skylar bent over Shakes, examining his back. Draco was following Mordin and I at a cautious pace. The barbarian and the dark clad woman quickly out distanced me even though I was giving it all I had. We ran through the museum and up a short flight of stairs. Rounding a couple of corners, I began to worry our friends would not find us, when our flight came to a sudden end.
  Mordin ran through a door to our left and yelled, "Got ya! What the hell?"
  I skidded to a stop next to the doorway and did a quick peek around the corner. Then peeked again to see if I really saw what I thought I saw. The barbarian and the assassin were in the middle of a strange room locked in battle. The room was about 30 feet wide by about 30 feet long. There were open cages in all four corners. A long table along the back wall had a grisly display of body parts and internal organs upon it with books and parchments.
  Mordin and the woman were not alone.
  I will do my best to describe it. The thing was about the size of a large man. It hovered in midair on a set of wings like those of a dragonfly. Its body resembled that of a giant wasp except that its stinger was hooked and sharp like a blade. It had eight arms but only six ended with what looked like hands. The first set ended with a pair of pincher's like those of a crab. Its head was large, green and bulbous. It had no eyes, ears, mouth or nose that I could see. It wore a belt that held wands, scrolls and various tools.
  It turned its head in my direction, then cocked it as if sizing me up, then, quick as a striking snake, it had a wand in one of its many hands and vanished.
  "Uh oh." I thought out loud. "That's some sort of wizard." and then I yelled to the barbarian. "Mordin that was some sort of wizard!"
  "I know!" he growled. "I'll get to it right after I finish with her." The berserker swung his battle axe at the assassin, who ducked low, almost flattening herself on the ground, and rising just as quickly she punched the halforc in his calf with one of her daggers.
  Mordin laughed and spit at her as he yelled, "Your poison toothpicks aren't going to work on me girly."
  "Poison?" I thought. And my friend Shakes took one of those nasty punch daggers in the back. I left him. And he could be dead now. I have skills at making poultices and drawing out poisons. I could have stayed and helped, but instead I followed Mordin willy nilly through the dungeon again.
  A red haze filled my vision as I looked upon this lady assassin. I called forth my power and it was full of vengeance.
  I blasted two holes clean through her chest.
  She slumped to the ground obviously dead.
  Mordin, still full of the berserk rage that drove him, narrowed his eyes at me and said, "You stole my kill."
  Uh oh.
  Mordin had murder in his eyes. I knew right then, at this moment, either the halforc or I was about to die.
  Luckily for one, or perhaps both of us, there was an evil, invisible, flying, insectoid, wizard that intervened.
  Out of nowhere two giant spiders appeared between Mordin and I.
  Never thought I would be glad to see giant spiders, but I was.
  "Mordin!" I yelled. "That evil wizard is summoning giant spiders!"
  "I see that! I'm not blind!" the barbarian pointed his battle axe at me and continued, "That wizard is mine! You can have the giant spiders!"
  "Gulp!" I gulped.
  There was two of those monsters! And they were bigger than me! And no doubt quicker! And I had the sneaky suspicion they were intelligent also, as they both turned sixteen eyes towards me and sixteen legs tensed as if to jump.
  Its funny how spiders each have eight legs and eight eyes, and humans have two legs and two eyes, but dogs and other canines only have two eyes to go with their four legs. And cats also. Seems like a pattern has been disrupted there somehow. Anyways....where was I?
  Oh yes... I readied my morningstar and braced my shield for the attack of the giant spiders when Aramel somersaulted over one of my shoulders into the room, and Shakes did the same over the other.
  "Shakes your alive!" I cried.
  "Of course." said Abrandon, huffing and puffing as he ran up behind me. " I can cure anything."
  Skylar was the next one to run past me into the room and Draco skidded to a stop behind the cleric.
  I looked back at the giant spiders as they turned this way and that, and when one looked at me, I shrugged and said to it, "Doesn't feel good to be outnumbered, does it?" I swung my morningstar at it and broke one of its massive forelegs. The spider retreated a step or seven, not so anxious to engage me anymore. Skylar, Shakes and Aramel took one down quickly. Everything seemed like it was going well when another combatant materialized out of nowhere.
  It looked like a cross between a wolf and a giant porcupine.
  "Where the hell did that thing come from?" Yelled Aramel.
  "There is an invisible wizard in there somewhere." I replied pointing into the room where Mordin was swinging his battle axe at shadows.
  "I didn't here anybody casting spells." said Draco from behind me.
  ""He doesn't have a mouth." I said. "and he flies around too."
  Shakes started hunting the invisible wizard around the room also, listening intently as he traversed the room. Aramel and Skylar engaged the wolf porcupine in hand to hand, leaving me the remaining spider.
  "Ouch!" yelled Aramel as he slashed the spiny wolf thing, taking several painful quills in his arm. At the same time the spider I was facing turned and slung a web at the kid, snaring him with it. Aramel had my torch in his left hand though. He must have picked it up in the museum where I had thrown it, and he used it to burn the webs away.
  I took this opportunity to skip forward and brought my morningstar down with all my might right between the eight eyes of the giant arachnid. I am not weak. I don't work out every morning to impress the girls. I don't have the brute strength that Mordin has, no where near in fact. But that giant spider did go 'squish'.
  "I AM A GREAT WARRIOR!" I screamed. Raising my morningstar above my head.
  "Feels good doesn't it!" Mordin yelled from across the room.
  Indeed it did feel good. The adrenalin rush was profound. I looked around for another opponent to smash. The wolf, hedgehog thing, was caught between Aramel and Skylar and was taking hits and bleeding out fast. I watched the air around the room, hoping the insect wizard would appear so I could charge forth and smash him.
  And then, it did.
  The thing appeared right behind Skylar and picked him up. The scout tried to fight but the multiple legs of the thing held him fast and spun him around to face it. In the time it took me to catch my breath, the thing suddenly had its hands full of strange knives, needles, and other strange instruments. It cut Skylar's chest open, extracted something from his chest, and sewed him back up.
  And then it dropped him whimpering to the floor.
  I swear, we all stood there for a few seconds. Stunned.
   Even the wolf thing stood there and stared. Aramel, always the opportunist, lunged forth and skewered the thing. 
  Mordin yelled a battle cry and swung his axe at the hovering wizard, but it evaded it easily. Draco blasted it with fire but it had minimal effect. I shot it with a magic missile, my normally devastating spell only put two small holes in it that oozed green blood. Abrandon ran forward and cast heal spell on Aramel, causing the quills to fall to the ground and the wounds they caused to magically close. Shakes became a blur as he jumped and kicked and punched at the thing in the air. As quick and skilled as Shakes was, the thing was quicker. It blocked and countered everything Shakes threw at it. Almost like he knew the moves before Shakes performed them. Skylar rose weakly from the floor, determination on his face, his hand pressed to his chest where the thing had performed its lightning fast surgery. The Sword of Zog was in his other hand.
  I gripped my morningstar and prepared to charge. We had the thing outnumbered seven to one and I was determined to get a few blows in before it died.
  The wizard struck first.
  With the speed of a humming bird it swooped in and picked up Aramel as it had Skylar. Only this time it didn't do any of its lightning fast surgery. Its pincher's went to work with deadly precision and swiftness.
  One of Aramel's arms flew off to land on the table across the room. Another was tossed into a cage to my left. Both his legs hit the floor.
  And then the kids head rolled over to the clerics feet to stare up at him.
  As the thing casually dropped Aramel's limbless, headless torso to the floor amidst a shower of blood, I heard Abrandon whisper, "But I can't cure that."
  "NO SHIT!" I cried.
  I looked at the carnage the thing had wrought. I looked at the morning star in my hand. "No way Jose!" I said as I retreated to take cover behind Draco. I shot it with another magic missile as I did so.
  I heard Draco cast his Power Word Pain at the creature. It fluttered its wings a little. Shakes once again attacked, and once again the creature blocked all his punches and kicks with ease. Skylar feebly swung the Demon Slayer at it. It ducked easily. Abrandon stood there looking down at Aramel's head, saying over and over again, "I can't cure that."
  "Medic!" I yelled. "Get your head in the game!" Abrandon came to himself then, and shaking his head he reached for and cast a spell on Skylar's sword. It glowed red with power.
  "Cut it with that and it will die." he said.
  "Easier said than done." I thought.
  The creature was pinned between Mordin, Shakes and Skylar, with his red glowing sword. And not a one of them could lay a blow upon the thing as it blocked, parried and ducked everything they had. Draco hit it with another word of Pain. I shot it with another magic missile. Draco looked over and said, "I'm out of magic."
  "I have two magic missiles left." I replied.
  Even as we said these words the thing swooped down and picked up Mordin as it did Aramel. Its pincher's went to work again, only the halforc was not as small and skinny as the kid was. Still the claws were deadly efficient, a cut opened up Mordin's throat, another penetrated his armor and went in about where the barbarian's heart would be.
  The berserker was dead, but no one told him.
  With a scream of rage he brought his battle axe down on the things back and green ichor splashed across the room. The wizard dropped Mordin to the floor, and for the first time looked hurt. The barbarian twitched a little and lay still. The cleric tried to get to him but had to fall back as pincher's snapped menacingly before him. I blasted it with another magic missile. Skylar tried to hit the thing with that enspelled sword but he was just too weak from whatever it had done to him. Shakes was not giving up. He threw everything he had at the thing. His fists looked literally on fire as they blurred towards the creature. For all his martial arts training though, this thing was better. It's eight arms were more than a match for my friends two.
  And then it pulled a wand from its belt.
  A blast of sonic energy radiated out from the thing. It knocked Abrandon and Skylar on their asses. Made Draco and I cover our ears in pain. Shakes was blasted against the wall, but he landed on his feet and hands against it like a spider, and then leaped through the air to once again engage the monster.
  I swear. They were Kung Fu fighting in midair. For what seemed hours, to the ringing in my head, but had to only be a few seconds. Abrandon and Skylar were struggling to rise. Shakes and the thing continued their dance across the room. Their arms and legs a blur of counters and punches that the human eye or mind could not possibly follow.
  And yet mine did.
  I could see a pattern here. The wizard was setting Shakes up for a dramatic finish. It was working him into a position for its pincher's to go to work.
  I seen it.
  Shakes seen it.
  My friends eyes met mine across the room and they said to me....run....
  The things pincher's went wide and prepared to go to work.
  NO!
  I stepped forward and fired my last magic missile.
  I aimed my shot perfectly. My bolts struck the thing when it was most distracted, going in for the kill on Shakes. Both bolts hit it in the neck and penetrated up into its brain.
  It dropped to the floor.
  The wings twitched a little, causing Skylar to stab it with his still glowing sword, releasing some sort of energy inside its body.
  The thing was dead.
  But so were Aramel and Mordin.
  I don't remember leaving the dungeon.
  I don't remember how I got here to my room in the Goldcloak tower.
  But I do remember the look on Aramel's face as his head rolled to the the clerics feet.
  Goodnight.